Sexlife after birth – Everything different? Perfectly normal!

The time after the birth was so far the only time when my husband and I did not have sex for several weeks at a stretch: With the first child it was five weeks, with the second six. Of course, sex life after the birth of a child is very different and individual for every couple, but it is often helpful to see that other moms in the same situation have similar problems and questions as you do. And believe me, if you are currently frustrated with your sex life, wondering if the desire will come back and it will ever be as good as before, you are not alone in this!

What is a normal sexlife after birth?

There is no such thing as “normal.” The Charité hospital in Berlin conducted a large survey of mothers. It revealed that 90 percent of them had pleasurable sex again without pain six months after giving birth. Most mothers, 40 percent, had sex again for the first time seven to eleven weeks after giving birth, according to this study. Still, there’s no such thing as “normal.” The right time is when you feel ready again. Listen to your body. If you’re in pain, it’s a sign that your body still needs some rest. There are some physical changes that can cause discomfort after birth: For example, your pubic nerve may still be overstretched from pregnancy. You may be suffering from organ prolapse or just feel dry. It takes a while for this to return to normal.

Are you coming today?

There can be various reasons why orgasm is slower after childbirth, or even why it doesn’t happen at all for the time being. This simply has to do with the fact that the processes in our body and in this case especially in our psyche are very complex and multifactorial. A birth is a drastic experience. Let’s start with the physical: Many women suffer from vaginal dryness after giving birth. This is especially the case with breastfeeding women and of course a condition that makes sex by penetration rather unpleasant or even painful. Unfortunately, however, it is quite normal due to hormones. In addition, your pelvic floor has already been extremely stressed by pregnancy and then during childbirth. The development of your pelvic floor muscles and the ability to tense the pelvic floor is a decisive indicator for orgasm.

Return to a fulfilling sexlife thanks to pelvic floor training

That’s why it’s so important to train your pelvic floor muscles again after giving birth. You can start a few days after birth with gentle abdominal and pelvic floor breathing and very careful pelvic floor stimulation training. In the “official” postpartum phase, you can add more strenuous pelvic floor exercises. When you train your pelvic floor, more neuronal connections are formed and the pleasure center in the brain is activated faster. In the pre-orgasmic phase, the muscles of the pelvic floor are mobilized and tensed, and the subsequent relaxation of the pelvic floor triggers the actual orgasm. You may even experience more intense orgasms later because your pelvic floor is fitter than it was before pregnancy. This is absolutely possible and I have experienced it myself and communicated this publicly. This was of course directly a topic for the BILD newspaper….

No desire for sex after childbirth?

This is also normal for many new moms. What is normal is that caring for your child takes up so much of your time that you have no energy left for anything else. Even a little touching from your partner can be too much. Of course, this can make you and your partner feel insecure. However, this is a clever move on nature’s part. After the birth, nature first of all arranges everything so that your baby is doing as well as possible and receives as much love and attention as possible. It has absolute priority. Your body secretes the hormone oxytocin, which actually makes you want to cuddle, but otherwise reduces erotic desire. So don’t worry, the desire will probably come back soon enough and if not, you can also help it along a bit. Check out my book ELTERNSEX for more information.

Get comfortable within your after-baby-body

Through pregnancy and birth, our body changes significantly. But we must never forget that it has done an incredible job! A baby has matured inside you, which you have nourished and allowed to grow entirely through your physical strength. You nourish it by breastfeeding and even far beyond birth. And even if you don’t breastfeed, it’s an extreme physical and emotional adjustment. Because think about it, you are (co-)responsible for his/her survival and happiness. And just because we know all this, we have the right to feel not really comfortable in our body sometimes. Basically, my advice is to give your body at least as much time to regenerate as it took to prepare for the child. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have sex or feel comfortable much sooner, it’s just to take the pressure off.

My personal tips for you

Don’t be too hard on yourself and your body. Be patient with yourself and your body! Write yourself small affirmation cards with positive thoughts and read them through when you are dissatisfied with your body. For example: I am patient and give my body the time it needs to heal. Or: I am proud of what my body has done in the past months and is still doing.

Valuable tips and interesting facts for a fulfilling sex life in the childbearing years, during and after pregnancy and as parents in general can be found in my book ELTERNSEX, which I wrote in cooperation with the magazine LEBEN&ERZIEHUNG.

Keep it Moving!

Birte

P.S.: My tip for a good whole body workout and also a healthy pelvic floor: MOVE IT MAMA – Try it now for free for 7 days.